10 Things I Learned This Decade


Another 10 years of my life has gone by to show you how fast time flies. Born in 1990, who would’ve thought that I would be the person I am today, certainly not me. This decade has taught me a lot of things but here are a few that I feel could be beneficial to you (in no particular order).

Lead w/ Love

People have a habit of withholding love from others like that’s not hurting themselves. I honestly believe the way you treat others is how you treat yourself so when you love others, you’re actually loving yourself. That’s why my favorite MLK quote is “darkness cannot drive out darkness, only light can do that; hate cannot drive out hate, only love can do that.” Leading with love puts you in the position to (1) not be like the people who don’t lead with love and (2) drive out whatever hate/adversity you’re faced with. Love always wins.

Do It Just Because

I hate to say it, I hope I don’t sound ridiculous but we have diluted the idea of reciprocity. Everyone has this “Quid Pro Quo” mentality when it comes to doing for others. You don’t have to scratch my back in order for me to scratch yours. I feel like if you’re in a position to do for others, then just do it. Not for something in return but just because. There’s nothing more rewarding than when you do something for someone who can never repay you.

It’s Okay To Change Your Mind

I can’t count how many times I change my mind in a week so I can only imagine how many times I’ve done it in a year. The truth is, if you are allowing yourself to learn and grow, you will change your mind often because growing forces you to break out of your comfort. Ten years ago I was majoring in Criminology/Sociology with hopes of working in juvenile justice as a probation officer and today I work in IT as a Student Success Coach. The more I learned, the more I grew, the more I changed my mind. Well, maybe I should say evolve because that’s what really happened. I didn’t change my mind, my thinking evolved.

Take Care Of Yourself

My mind, body, and soul has been on the craziest roller coaster of all time. But one thing’s for sure, when I took good care of them, they took good care of me. That “No Days Off” mentality is for the birds. Take that day off, go for that run, and get that rest because you’re useless when you’re ill (mentally, physically, & spiritually). It’s all connected.

You Define Family

I realized that there are many definitions for the word family. I understood family to be blood relatives (genetics & marriage) but this decade showed me that my definition was limited. When I went to college, I inherited friends who became family. When Jesus saved me, I was adopted into a spiritual family. And as I navigated through the workforce, I grew to have work families. So understand that the only true definition of family is what you define it to be so don’t limit it.

Don’t Take It Personal

It may sound strange to actually say but everyone is going through their version of life. Everyone is experiencing life differently. While I’m in my summer season, you may be in your winter. While your best friend may be in her employed season, you might be in your unemployed season. So when people hurt us or neglect us, whether intentionally or unintentionally, we have to understand that they are experiencing a version of life that we are not. Understand that how they are experiencing it is causing them to engage with you in the way they are and since we don’t know how they are experiencing it, we just need to charge it to the game and keep it moving. My sad today can birth my beautiful tomorrow. Be gentle with people. 

It’s Okay To Seek Professional Help

I think we as a society need to understand that it is okay to not be okay and because of that, it is okay to seek professional help. When I was going through the climax of my depression in the last leg of the decade, I desperately wanted to seek professional help but I had people in my ear making me believe that God would be displeased if I had to go to someone for help instead of him. I suffocated for months, like I literally felt the depression choking me and then I finally reasoned with myself that if seeking professional help is a sin against God, then I will die knowing that I tried my absolute best to take care of myself. And I kid you not, therapy was the first time I breathed in years. No one can tell me that my therapist wasn’t God sent. If there is one thing my therapist taught me that has stuck with me since, it’s “one thing at a time, one day at a time” and that has now become my life’s mantra.

Keep People At A Distance

It may sound harsh but I have learned that it is absolutely fine to keep people at a healthy distance. Loyalty is fine and all but if the people around you are holding you back, putting you down, or whatever have you, you have the right to distance yourself from them. You cannot control how people treat you, praise you, love you, etc. What you can control is who you allow to be around you to treat you, praise you, and love you. Keep some close and keep some at a distance. That does not mean you’re at odds with them. You still want to see them win. It’s just from now on, they will just have to win from a distance. 

You’re Not In Control

I don’t know your beliefs but I know mine and I believe that God is the Creator of the universe and controls it all. With this belief, I understand that I do not control my life. And if I’m being honest, I don’t want to be in control. I don’t even have my best interests at heart because I see how I put my own self in harms way so I’m thankful that I’m not in control. I now understand that in order to navigate this life properly, a life I have never lived, I need to rely on the creator of life and I am okay with that. I also understand that in the same breath, I am not in control of others. I cannot control how people live, act, or do whatever they do. 

Life Goes On

If there is one thing this decade taught me, it was that Life Goes On. People die. People get hurt. People grow. People exist. And the list goes on and on but at the end of the day, life will continue to go on until God says it’s time. With this in mind, understand that it is best not to dwell on the insignificant and to never take a day, people, or experiences for granted.  

I have more than 10 things to share but I don’t want to ramble. Maybe I’ll do a part two post in the future or find a way to incorporate the extra. Anywho, hasta luego. Until next time.


1 thought on “10 Things I Learned This Decade”

  1. I will have to agree with you life goes on. Many times I think people worry so much about what others have to say and never take themselves in consideration. No matter what a person may go through I have learned as well that you must take care of yourself. Yes I agree it is okay t change your mind. No one is perfect experience sometimes can changes ones mind and also in experience. Do what you want to do.


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