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Normalize Leaving Toxic Environments, Even Your Parents House

I saw this post on Instagram and I wholeheartedly support the idea of staying with your parents until you get right. However, I believe we also need to normalize leaving toxic environments that hinder your growth and development — even if it’s your parents house.

I grew up with both my parents in the home. My relationship with my father is everything you’d want it to be. He’s extremely laid back, chill, and stays in his own lane. He’s a great listener, always dropping gems, and is the epitome of “No Judgement Zone”. We have never got into an argument and I have only heard him raise his voice ONCE in my 30 years of living and that was in the early days of the COVID-19 pandemic. He’s probably the most non-problematic person I know. As a matter of fact, all the Pisces I know (including him) are non-problematic. I’m forever grateful for him.

The relationship with my mother on the other hand was a constant fight. I can’t put my finger on it but we were like oil and water, Tom and Jerry, matches and gasoline. There wasn’t a day that went by that we didn’t get into it and that was one of the determining factors for me leaving for college. Surprisingly, we got closer as I moved away and the fights decreased as I got older. But when I had to move back home to stack up while in grad school, I never thought I would struggle to actually do what I set out to do.

The arguments spiked and I started to feel like I was suffocating so I felt like the only solution was to keep myself so occupied and out the house that I would not have to be in that environment. All the money I was supposed to be saving went to me traveling the world, eating out, and doing whatever I could to not be inside the house. The goal was, by the time I came home, all I could do was fall asleep so there was no room for toxicity. 

I will say that that only made things worse and I eventually went to therapy but I spent the first 2 of the 4 years moving back in with my parents fighting a losing battle. I had to learn how to find peace in me so that no matter what environment I am in, I am unaffected. By the time I was able to get to this place, it was time for me to move out of my parents house with barely any money saved lol. I had just a few solid plans and by the grace of God, they were in alignment with His will because things have been working so smoothly for me that I have no doubt that He’s in full control.

I say all that to say, take the time out to understand who you are and what environments you need to thrive. When I lived away from my parents, I was forced to be more disciplined because I had bills and though I had my parents a phone call away to help if I needed it, I had this intrinsic willpower to handle it myself. When I moved in with them, all that willpower went in the trash and I became lackadaisical since I wasn’t obligated to pay anything. That comfort zone hindered my growth and interfered with my discipline. 

So if you have the opportunity to stay with your parents RENT & TOXICITY FREE, then by all means — GO FOR IT!! I’m rooting for you no matter what you decide.

Sincerely,

LOLATHEMANAGER

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