Yall, let me get straight to the point and start this off with entrepreneurship is kicking my ass.
Now, I have to go back to give you some context. I have been working since I was 16 years old. My first job was at DSW Shoe Warehouse in March 2007. It was part-time so 10-20 hours a week, I got paid $8/hr, and was paid weekly. Not gonna lie to you, I felt pretty rich. I didn’t even need the job though. I got it because my boyfriend dumped me the day after Valentine’s Day and I needed something to occupy my time and mind – it worked by the way. I lasted 6 months at the job before I quit because I was starting my senior year and I couldn’t let work interfere with the best year of my life.
Anyways, ever since then, I have always had a job. Even while in college with scholarships, grants, and loans to pay for my tuition and housing expenses, I still worked. In the 5 years I attended school, I worked 5 different jobs. Working became part of my identity and I no longer knew a life without it. Fast forward to life after college, I started working full-time anywhere that interested me because what else was I going to do with my time. I say all this to say, the idea of entrepreneurship was never a thought in my brain – until I started teaching.
After navigating the workforce for so long and being unsatisfied with the woes of education, I realized that I needed to create income because when I give an employer the power to feed me, I also give them the power to starve me. And every time I quit a job (which was often and a blog by itself), I was starving. So much so that when I started my business back in 2019, I was still looking for jobs. I always had to keep that door open. In fact, I still look for jobs to this day.
You’re probably wondering why I did that and there are several reasons.
- At that point, I had been working for others for 12 years so it became my comfort zone. This was not going to be easy to break out of.
- I didn’t know exactly what I wanted to do as an entrepreneur so keeping that employment door open allowed me to test different waters.
- I literally had no idea what I was doing.
I have been operating as a full-time educator/project manager and part-time entrepreneur for the last 2 years. However, something changed these last 6 months. I went into full-time entrepreneur mode. I didn’t even realize it. My last project manager contract had ended and I stopped receiving my paychecks from the school district I was working for. AAAAAANNNNNDDDDDD, I had nothing lined up. Very not on-brand for me.
At first, it was sweet. My accounts were looking nice because of all the work I was putting in and I even decided to throw myself a big birthday party. I literally spent my entire birthday month OUTSIDE!!! It was definitely giving Houstalantavegas. I deserved it. But then, things changed. Money was leaving my account at a fast rate and it wasn’t being replaced. If you know how regular jobs work, you know that you work, you get paid, you pay bills, you spend a little, you save a little, and then you do it all again every week or two. As for me and my accounts, the “get paid” part was silent.
Yes, I have different investments and business ventures going on but not at the consistency of a regular job. You can sell a product today and sell nothing for 3 weeks. One month you can bring in $8k and the next month three months, $0. Last year, I grossed almost $100,000 in revenue from everything I had going on whether it was working for someone else or creating my own income. And you know how much I actually kept? Almost none of it. As fast as it came in, was as fast as it left.
I am happy to see that I have been able to create income but the hardest part for me on this journey is not wanting to quit. I love my comfort zone. I found stability in my comfort zone. I made consistent income in my comfort zone. Why not just work a job for $100k a year? I mean, I would only have to sacrifice my time whereas entrepreneurship requires me to sacrifice my time, money, and mental health lol. I could probably write a thesis on the effects inconsistent income has on your mental health.
But in all seriousness, I just really feel like I am getting beat up because I am constantly on this hustle to make sure money is always coming in. One part of me just wants to call it quits and head back to my (work from home) cubicle (cause whose returning back to an office – not me) but another part of me is like “look how far you’ve already come, why would you quit now, you’re getting better (and richer) with time”. And so it looks as if I need to spend more time in my prayer closet to get some guidance because I am in a weird place.
Nonetheless, I leave you (and me) with this bible verse that has given me some peace while writing this blog (because I started out anxious but I feel a little better now):
“From everyone who has been given much, much will be demanded; and from the one who has been entrusted with much, much more will be asked” – Luke 12:48
I know all these talents, gifts, knowledge, wisdom, and time have been given to me for a reason and I don’t ever want to take that for granted. But the weight of this entrepreneurship load is killing me.
How is your entrepreneurship journey going?
Note: There will be a part two to this blog because I feel the need to answer the question I know many of you are thinking — why don’t you just get a job. Stay tuned, it’s coming.